The roosters have moved away… the early morning hours on Hawaii are filled with the night sounds and not cock-a-doodle-doo……………
This morning, near 6AM before we rolled out of bed and it was cold and still is chilly here on the big island… the sun is playing hide an seek…..
News, we turn it on and switch between stations, always looking for a different take on the day and by 7:30AM, we have the TV on anything but news… repetitive is not my idea of news and speculation over the crimes and corruption of evangelicals and Trump… that’s old news…. our votes will tell the House, Senate and Presidency what we really think… so, no sky falling…………………………. yet…
I told hubby this morning after our walk… going on 4 years here and we got what we wanted… no socializing, total privacy and we are slowly both recovering from life altering events….. and we still have a little ways to go… so Hawaii, turned out to be good in that respect… as for Aloha… that is long gone and we hear that from the seniors who have lived their whole lives here….but we agree…..
The nights are getting better… back to what they should be…. a few hours and up to pee and back to sleep with no munching…. and no nightmares….
I have never not dreamed… it’s the nightmares that add to the fatigue I live with daily… and the fatigue is not lack of rest, it’s a by product of the TBI’s and strokes….. they did say it was all in my head, when they pushed me out of the military during that cover up… wow… Men in power protecting men in power and women who worship a god that says raping Mary was acceptable… once you brainwash crimes into miracles… mental illness is winning….
As for the PTSD part of my journey… wow on that one, after 60 years of living with it, it’s missing in action…. I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop and nada…. it is surreal, the depression not being around…. I’m sad from time to time, but not down in the dumps depressed, chemical change has happened…. doesn’t mean it can’t creep back in… but I’m not looking for it or waiting for it….
Neurology was right, I was wrong… I did get my memories back after the stroke in 2011… it just took a lot of work and dumping the drugs the VA had me on… I take a statin, which, it too will go to the side and I will have to live with the risk of high bad LDL because of how my liver process’s fat…. but it too mess’s with my brain… I just have to be sure it’s right to eliminate the last man made drug the VA put me on….
I see neurology in April, plan to go in with a list of questions… Mentally, I have had over 6 extensive psych exams…. and all of them the same for PTSD…. I have no desire to take hours long written tests again…
The MRI is what gave me the full peace of mind and the subsequent MRA….
Now it’s about, keeping the medical side fully aware of my high risk for stroke and my health care should reflect that in all aspects of the rest of my life… but the doctors will be used for guidance only… I will be in charge of my health care and hubby has learned to listen, so that he too can protect me… I probably need to do an advance directive, now that I have my answers….
By my review, I suffered a stroke and brain injury at 8, 13, 14, 17, 31 an the last one at 57 years old on the operating table at the El Paso VA…..
As for TBI injury, that would be….. 5, 8, 11, 13, 14, 17, and possible injury while active duty when I slipped on ice and hit the back of my skull at Vance around 1980….. add in the repeated drops from the top bunk to the floor on my back, which explains the bone scans……
I would say the TBI’s were mostly concusions from blows or impacts… all except the one at 13 years old… that was Texas and that one took most of my childhood from me and the memory ability…. that left a dent in my skull…. my recall says I was slammed into a wall or door and that impact was my head hitting said environment and I received a blow to the chest which stopped my heart and caused a partial blockage, resulting in a major stroke event…. that’s as much as I have gotten back in memory and no guarantee, what I’m seeing is 100% accurate….. thus brain injury….
So no nightmares, no stress… just dealing with the injuries decades later and the subsequent issues that accompany said injuries, when not treated by health care…. and I have no clue if I saw doctors when the parents beat the crap out of me… but Peggy did get slapped once……
The sky is not falling, the memories are back and the world keeps spinning, because, what else is it going to do… stop, because dumb ass crooked christians are destroying our democracy…. nah…. its just you can’t fix stupid, stupid has to want to fix it’s self and seriously, do you really see that happening????
At this rate, I got nothing to really write about… I’m there at the end of the tunnel… I got the light in my hot little hands….
Sgt. USAF DAV oh boy do I remember…. and some people should really wish I didn’t… I know that much dirt….lol