Sleep had been good, except for when I hit the M&Ms in the middle of the night… trick or treat candy… ugh!!!
Anyhow… last night was a good one… only one problem… It was Trumps ugly face that woke me up….. I would laugh, but I was sleeping good!!! So double damn!!! that fat, obnoxious rapist got into my nights and I doubt he’ll make another entrance, without my permission…. I address it and kick it out and I am so picturing my foot up his ass…. True story……..
I got the feeling the reason the nightmares are back, is because I saw myself in the nightmare and not detached as if watching from the sidelines…. and my understanding of the psychology of this… it’s progress….
The fact I got a new memory, even though the situation was intimate to me… it was a memory that I hadn’t seen, since, I made the memory…. Margie is waking up…..
After the blow to my head on Okinawa and subsequent mini stroke at suicide cliffs… when I was with John Rastia… a vet on his way to Vietnam and it scared us both…. I just didn’t realize it was a mini stroke, yet that last blow to my head took from me….
I know after we got to Japan and they beat me again, that left me with another stroke, this time, it nearly killed me… and that scared the folks and not a sound out of the mother fucking preacher living next door as I screamed, while being beaten….. yep, just love me some christian for my barbecue….
Last nights dreams are the start of something coming to light…. I have tried, for as long as I can remember… to remember 1968 to my birth…. over 50 years of trying to see what happened…. and it’s finally started…. it’s a little spooky going there… but, it has to be done, in order for me to conquer the PTSD… if that is possible…
A new memory just before the holiday, when I told mommy dearest I remembered….
Thanksgiving may turn into a good thing, instead of a memory of calling out my family on the abuse….
Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…