PTSD, Neuropathy, a dash of skeletal arthritis and dump a tablespoon of frustration… yeppers….edited

Mike made the comment I hadn’t written much lately and in fact, not talking much lately…

I was into a good memory nightmare the other night and a rooster decided 2 AM was my wake up call… (angry emoji) lol….

I know when I am hungry, never do business and really, just keep the lips closed, nothing good comes out when hungry and angry…. and that is a lesson I am taking to heart… though others do ignore the signs… just saying…

As for the depression… You would think, after losing about a $1,000 because of an Expedia employee, I would be there… I used to… anything could send me there and there… seems to have moved on…

I occassionally think of the birth family, but not in much context… When you play god with peoples lives… you shut them down in a heart beat an remind them of their lack of mortality and that mortality will not have me in the picture…. as I am the one who shut them down…because they “Played” god….

No more hormone therapy… I stopped the stuff the surgeon gave me after the 1 year she recommended… between the stopping the Levothyroxine and Premarin creme… I am back to what my body considers normal hormone levels… and weight is coming off… but… I am trying that SeriVital again… not been 40 days back on it….

What all this tells me… the brain pattern is changing and so is the chemical reaction… instead of knee jerk, it’s look, evaluate and extrapalate the best course of action… as long as I am not hungry that is….

Could I have gotten here with mental health help??? Not likely… the 30 minute sessions and the restrictive mind process they use is more damaging than helpful… but I am not the average patient as the last shrink in El Paso pointed out… and it was nice to have it acknowledge after being torn down by my peers for decades… Envy, will never get it…

Our time is stressful and we are very tired… but…. I am not anxious or fretting over or hashing it out over and over….

Nope I am just living life for once in 60 years and free of the Bagwell nightmare…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell… I tried and you turned your back…. because you are a christian….

I remember… Margie and her desire to disappear into the woodwork….


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