My Limp is Gone….

I remember in high school on the balance beam and the issue with maintaining balance, when balance had never been an issue before….

The way I get how strokes work and how if you do not get proper care, body parts start to withdraw and malfunction and they do it over time… which is exactly what mine did… but you add in all the blunt force trauma fractures to the other body parts… I was screwed from the get go and still made it through basic training… 

In the military, they shot my knee full of cortisone, because no one could explain why I was limping and of course we had backward science in that day… even today the ortho got it wrong when he saw me here, last year… but knowing about the physical damage, makes every little ache tangible… lots of aha moments on… “OH! now I know why that has hurt for so long”!!! UGH!!!!!

As my left leg turns in and the band the PT tech is working on becomes stronger, it lets me know what body parts I compensated for, because the body is starting to work correctly after 50 years of compensating for the stroke…

None and I mean none of this is pain-free… I get shooting lines of nerve pain and I can tell it’s nerves reconnecting with muscle, because muscle is very slowly starting to respond to instant action, instead of me having to focus on the action…

Not all of my ability is coming back… there is much I can’t do and some that is progressively slipping away… very fine motor skills take focus, every day tasks, remind me of my progress….

What is very obvious… as long as I do the work outs and keep at it… the pain is a little less intrusive… still there, but not in my face, curl up in a ball type scenario…. it also makes me acutely aware of my weight and the need to keep it below a certain threshold, because of the Autonomic portion of neuropathy I live with from domestic violence….

My balance, that is still a work in progress… sometimes my neck is just going to make my world spin, no matter what I do… that does seem to happen less often….

So everything I have read about neuropathy and blunt force trauma…. I am doing all the right things to improve my quality of life… it is after all up to me… if I don’t do the work… my birth family wins and I die young… I kind of hope I am the last one standing… to me, that would be sweet justice… 

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie and her love of playing outdoors…


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