PTSD… what stage of the journey???

I turn my head an it swims and the world feels as if I just drank a half a dozen shots of something…. I correct my posture, tilt the pelvis, straighten the spine, pull the neck back in and know the skull feels heavy for a reason….my insides, still on the make, letting me know we are not done with this session from hell, called autonomic neuropathy…. bangers up and down Makauu street, entering my home, violating me once again and over and over… their rights to blast noise has priority over my rights as an owner of said road…. so tired and so very stoned… so the best of both worlds, kind of, maybe???

Allowing more into my world and not letting it control me, but taking into account the shock and aww others thrive on and let it slip into the shadows, just like religion…. my life touched by war in the home and foreign land…. shock and aww has no sway…

My longing for something, anything, to take my mind to another place… the vacation was a nice break, forced to stay in the moment with another life…

The nights are long and painful… more pain of the body than the mind… wandering, wishing, hoping for another trigger, so I can be released from this nightmare and move on….

I struggle, where to start the story,

“A child, exploring her world, felt something wickedly cold and firm to the touch… a giggle escaped her lips as her wobbly legs moved so as to see her reflection for the first time…. out of the back in the reflection and enraged face and a blow to the toddler, the old fashion hair brush broke in half, the child cried in pain… the woman, upset she broke the hairbrush… the child would rarely look at her reflection in any object and not remember her introduction into christian violence….”

is this the right direction???

I don’t know… so much remembered, so much pain relived, so much past reclaimed from those who stole it…. it… Hawking said that without our past, we have no identity…

He was so very right…. christians and their god stole mine…. 

I took it back….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… who’s soul was never for sale to mans god…


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