PTSD Nightmares… still got them…

I have to admit, the nightmares are not haunting like they used to be… Even though Freda and Peggy are being silent and not coming forward with any information that would help me in my recovery… as long as they know the made up god they worship forgives them, life is good, for them maybe…. shook my head on that insanity… but that was like, taking a listen, to anything Trump rambled on about last night… I kept the TV on Nat Geo and SCI…. the dude is beyond bat shit crazy… he’s like a living Jesus’ who can not tell a lie… damn, nearly spewed my coffee all over my monitor… got to be careful this early in the day….

The cold has finally let go of me and the cough and nasal meds are finally worn off and the brain is finally settling back into its crazy routine of no routine…. but bad dreams I had last night and my body is letting me know, just how good that fancy bed was not last night…

It really makes me wonder do I have suppressed memories I haven’t seen yet??? Kind of hope not… what I have remembered, would make Steven King have nightmares… It really does boggle my mind how christians can commit such awful crimes and still get appointed president and supreme court… something so very wrong with this picture that we call humane behavior… which may explain why I want lots of land, dig a moat, plant a forest and essentially get lost from society… why??? Because they be bat shit crazy… just look at the number of people who believe in religion, based on stories thousands of years old and built on myth and look at Trump and those that believe in him… I wonder if they are all cousins??? They say it runs in families… Insanity that is…

As for the dreams, I couldn’t tell you what went before my eyes last night, it left me in a disturbed mood… but then again, every time I change the channel, Trumps ugly mug is on it… so that could be my issue… Rapist do bug me in that way….

The depression is big time different… now that the thyroid medication is getting out of my body… I can tell when it’s depression because of where the stroke is located and the bleed on the brain, is that why??? no clue… hope the neuro doc can spell it out for me… Things that would upset me, bother me, leave an impression on my brain… nope they just pass through like all information of the day and nothing gets to latch onto any emotions or thoughts… unless I am doing the directing….

So I have to go with the depression the clinical classification that the Arkansas VA said I had, at least I think it was that VA… was way off base… it was medication induced… again, another opportunity lost, when no one sent me to neurology or did the right tests…

I am hoping over the next couple of days, as my body gets to feeling better after this 2nd go at a nasty cold… sleep will be longer and more restful… It seems when that happens, memories come about during my waking time and the night was actually getting into a pattern of sleep, with no memory of what I dreamed, not always… I think that is progress, but the cold threw a wrench into that…

Yesterday, I got to play with this Application and was able to change the site up a little… I didn’t keep that reception long, but it looks like the software I just ordered for writing the book, uses the same block ideas that WP uses… I really do miss having internet… and apple is forever screwing up Itunes so that it will screw with the hotspot, so I have to jump through a lot of crap to make everything work off the cell phone… sometimes it will all communicate together… but it sure wants Wifi for most of the things I need… but I cheat it on occasion and make it think the bluetooth is doing wifi… yep, my setup is a mess, but it works… 

By Friday, I will know what little the neurologist knows and we can see, If I have been right about so much and the doctors have been so wrong… You figure I had a minimum of 3 severe brain injuries and at least a dozen or more mild TBI’s…. I have lived it and walked it since I was a small child… I don’t think you can get a better authority of what it’s like to walk through life, not knowing about TBI and still succeeding at living… doctors can write all the papers they want, they still have no clue, the finite choices I have had to make, with no knowledge of that stroke and brain bleed… school can only teach doctors so much… it’s patient like me, they could really learn from….

Should be an interesting couple of days…. will the doctor know more about my brain or will I…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… always curious why christians lie so much…. what are they afraid of???


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