Owning it….

What is IT??? For me… It’s life… I own my life… I own all my screw ups, the few I had and I own slapping my oldest son, in a contest of Wills…. not one of my more proud moments… But… I OWN IT!!!

I think that is what is the hardest about this journey of remembering my first 18 years of life…

My parents and siblings, lack of desire to own their behavior… In fact I cornered Don on this very subject, about a year before he died… He made the following comment…. “I was never abusive to you kids”… I nearly leapt off the couch and shouted, but I didn’t… instead, I raised my head and looked him cold in the eyes and told him…. “What you did, should have locked you away for a long time”… Don dropped his head and would not make eye contact with me after that… shortly there after, Freda came back from the store and my task of sitting with Don was at an end…

I was not asked to sit with him ever again… in fact, when he lay dying, I was not allowed near him, because Freda & Donna were afraid he would tell me the truth and that would ruin their little scheme of keeping the reputation that they didn’t have … That was one town, I made sure nobody knew I was related to them…. the family that is…

Don went to his grave, never owning his cruelty or his lack of humanity… but they sure prayed a lot over that man at his end… and that aha moment hits…

None will ever own their behavior… only because, it does not suit their agendas….

My heart slows and the dawning realization of how very fortunate I am….

I can look in the mirror and be proud of what I have accomplished on this earth… none of the people I mentioned can do that… because they lie, stole, beat, and cheated…Me….

I did none of that to them… Nor did I ever lie… none of them can say that… NONE… and now that is a choice they will always have to live with….

I like my mirror, maybe not the lines and wrinkles smiling back at me or the touch of gray along my face… it may have cost me in the thousands to do what was right and it may have cost me my pride to not lie, steal, cheat or beat my way to Hawaii…  I only had one agenda… live my life and do the best I could and leave no bodies in my wake…

I far exceeded my wildest expectations… and I did it without a god or a god worshipping spouse…

I did it because it was the right thing to do… respect life, even when it does not respect you….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie…. who escaped hell and kept her soul intact…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s