Head hurts when I go there….

Avoidance…. ignoring the obvious…. talk about anything but what I should… acknowledge Mike is tired of hearing about all of it… He doesn’t know what to really say… Making up excuses and reasons to avoid trying to mend fences…. and most of all ANGER…..

It’s all there, it’s all in my head and sometimes it leaves my lips, but anymore I just write about it… I quit talking to Mike about it as much…

I am taking up the mantle of my old habits…. but instead of my fantasy world I had built and lived in for so many decades…. now what plays before my eyes are the reality of what my life was and has been, because of the corruption of christians…. and I truly do shake my head as I write….

64 years old and I was a prisoner of other people’s worlds, because my world was the one they wanted…. all they had to do, work for it like I did…

My marriages, all but one, I had to fight for the divorce and it cost me, as I roll my eyes upward… money, it cost me and I worked many 2nd jobs while on active duty and raising two kids… I knew my word and bond was all I had in this world that was mine only… yet the gossips said I was out doing so much more… that I will never understand…

I am planning… and preparing… hoping that we will leave here like we plan, but expect to be here as long as we planned… no disappointment… life just going according to plan…

We have one last promise to fulfill and after it is complete, our lives are our own and we can plan accordingly… but still, I avoid what I need to address and I know I must go back into the dark abyss of Freda and Peggy’s minds and write it down… so I am that much closer to putting the first draft of the book together… so many stories and how to approach what seems so much like a Cinderella story… and it is… it’s all mine and if life agrees it is time… 

We will move and I will have what I need… Reliable power source, ours just went out on us twice in a row the past few minutes… reliable internet and most of all, quiet, so I can work and not be interrupted by  noise…

life is funny with how it seems to work out like it should for me and that is only because I never gave up….


TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… who loved the silence of the void, her own fantasy land….


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