When Fear Walks With You… pg 7…

Fear played a big role in my life after the Texas beating, near death and stroke at 13… It would form the person I am today….

It would cause me to make decisions, that I knew would turn out the way they did, but because I feared the other course or direction it would have taken me, I gave into fear….

It didn’t always have full control… I did make a comment after we got to Japan and that left me with another brain injury… but in my heart or deep in my brain, I knew if I gave into the bullying by Freda or Peggy, I lost… I lost everything and they had already taken so much…

They took my childhood to keep their deep dark secrets, so that the little towns they live in, people might not think of them in the way I do… they will fool the people into believing they are good and kind, when their souls are black as the abyss of the ocean…

Fear played a part in my 6 marriages…. all before the age of 40…. Fear played a part in my military career, I thought I needed a man in my world… I was so wrong on that one…

Fear played a part in my health care, by not standing up for myself and believing what the college educated and federal employees said as they put negative comments in my VA medical records…. the kind of comments that tells someone they have no worth… that is why I have no use for federal employees….

Fear played a part in many ways… and when I stood up to that fear and put it in its rightful place… the toilet…

Things changed… the nightmares, became dreams and those dreams became memories and the face of fear that I carried with me for so long, faded away like mist in the night… all because I feared… Being alone….

Fear does not control my world, I am happy when I am alone, I enjoy my time, free of all the drama that goes on outside my world… I told my sons this is the rule of the land, if you can not live by it, than live outside it…. I do not fear not having contact with my blood… I do not fear the night, when I am alone…

I took my fear and owned it…. it no longer owns me… my world, my rules, my life… I own it… no one else… just me….

TimesUp #MeToo  WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… who refused to be bullied into believing in gods…


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