I was talking about how I was unlocking the memories I buried so very long ago and what triggers I put in place to guide me back to the light of Margie….
It also explains, why my younger years, those memories were just everyday memories and I have most of that time back… the triggers were actually put in place after the Japan beating… and for a kid with little to no education, except what I read in books… I was way ahead of my age or knowledge… and that speaks volumes for the IQ my brain has… It is what kept me alive all these years….
After the Japan beating, and the violence backed off, except for the mouthes Don & Freda had… life was reasonably normal… except… that is when I started having real bad dreams…
I know I had bad dreams before Texas, because of a memory associated with one of my stories… as the stroke incident and brain bleed happened, I knew something was wrong in my head… and I started a practice of running through the memories that I thought were important… didn’t understand why I thought I should do this and really that is the way my whole life has been… I listened to my instincts and followed them… and I reasoned and logic it out… something I usually do, not always, I do have impulsive behavior on occassion…That left me with focusing on the memory of the TV interview and I did remember that one in great detail…. it was connected to the first severe beating at age 5…
Lots of blunt force trauma fractures this beating… just because I told the truth about Peggy on TV…. the little finger is malformed now and needs surgery, so I try not to aggravate it, 59 years later….
This is what I mean about clues… I left myself a way to remember the horror, without having to live it daily in my waking mind… I just didn’t get the fact that the nightmares would be my punishment for doing it this way… I get it now….
The same goes for the boob incident, and the near death in Texas or Japan….
Every time Don & Freda hurt me or Peggy was involved… I took my memory of before and after and tagged them, so I would know that it was my memory and not a story someone told to bury the truth…
I still marvel at a young teenager taking on this and still making it through life, without taking said life…
The horrors are many from that household… the stories twisted and so bizarre, even I have a hard time accepting them… but real they are, and lived them I did… and that is why I work so hard outside my comfort zone….
So Margie will be heard….
TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell
I Remember… Margie… who grew old in the womb….
Sgt. USAF DAV