PTSD Triggers… I am learning….

I learned a great many years ago, I had triggers… didn’t know why I had them, but I knew I had button issues that got me upset… now, not so much, but it doesn’t mean I don’t have an opinion… sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t… sometimes I just like to screw with the ones bullying me… and I did…

I have never liked face book, it is poorly operated system that makes everyone vulnerable and it was filled to over flowing with hate, bigotry and racism… being pushed on us by outside sources, Russia, China, N. Korea… all of which I raised holy hell over and ended up with 2 face book pages closed by face book… sigh… college educated does not make you smart… and that is a fact… it’s what you do with knowledge that shows how smart you are or are not…

I had lots of friends, what I considered lots… and over time I started dumping people.. the bigotry, the hatred, the lack of humanity and the over zealous christians… gag me with a spoon please!!!

When I opened the most recent page, I got requests from cousins that are related to dear ole daddy… this is a family full of domestic violence, drug abuse and mental illness… so when we went to Japan in 68, I never made a big effort to be involved with this family and I had lots of good reasons… until I got my memories back, that is when I needed to use people… not an act I like, but when you ask them straight up honest questions and you get hedging… then you have to be subversive…

I couldn’t see the friends list and made it known I do not associate with my birth family… lil sis has a master’s degree in mental health and is a religious zealot and she manipulates to keep the image she destroyed herself when her ex broke his back… so there was nothing left for me to destroy, she did it herself… but did she use her education to get back at me… I really have no clue, this is pure speculation and sometimes its just good to get the angst out of the system… and I just did…

What I did notice, the amount of rhetoric being shared on face book that impacted my PTSD, I begged, I pleaded and I threatened… it didn’t stop, until for some fluke of a reason, I could see my cousins friend list the other day and lo and behold, there be mommy, sister and a few other people I have kicked out of my life… so I dumped all of the cousins… as I am not positive the quarter the information was coming from that was flooding my feed and setting me off… but 3 days later and you got it… zero crap in my feed to upset me… now how about that, christians zero, detective work +1….

I will never know if I am right… I just know, that my face book page is full of what my friends and family I do share and agree is acceptable for face book and the few of them that are christian… are leaving their faith out of my sight…. that is still a subject that will set me off and yes, I am working on it… acceptance of other people’s insanity doesn’t happen over night… to accept you have to trust and so far, only one person on this planet has done what it takes to get me to trust and I sleep next to him every night…

Now that the triggers are out of sight… its up to me and what my PTSD think we need to address and not what someone wants a reaction out of…

Sad that people are like this, but I would be a fool, if I thought humanity had made any progress in the last 5,000 years…. it hasn’t… superstition is what rules this planet and those smart enough to manipulate the weak-minded….

Well back to work, almost done laying floor, I am more a gopher now, he’s cutting the small pieces and I have issues with those tools from childhood an old memory from Bonita that involves Uncle Dan’s farm….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember….

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